Shout out to the winner of this week’s misogynist of the week for his performance in the tried and tested classic “Can I buy you that drink? What’s wrong with you it’s free alcohol?”.
Your delivery really was on point, there’s nothing that says “I’m genuinely interested in getting to know you and have no other designs on your person” like an aggressive response to a polite rebuttal.
I mean what is wrong with me? Well the biggest thing you got wrong there is assuming that I somehow can’t afford my own alcohol – I have portioned out in my brain how many bottles of wine I can realistically afford to buy per week on my wages – I’m well aware of my capability to buy alcohol.
A tip though – perhaps going to a beer festival isn’t the ideal place to pick up honeys? To be honest I was only forcing down that 4th half pint to try and get in the spirit of things, it was playing havoc with my yeast intolerance.
Really glad you wore that jersey blazer to pick up your award though, they make men, especially short men, look like characters knitted by nans – making your aggression slightly less effective. Not sure what it was about a blazer made out of regular, stiffer, material that you found was one step too smart, but I’ll hand it to you, smart casual is a hard look to nail – keep trying.
My favourite bit was when I said “no thanks I’ve got loads of tokens left” and you said “I BET you do…”. I really love it when people have no sense of humour and they blindly run head on into a non-joke. Euphamisms aren’t ever funny even when they make sense fyi. Unless he was making some comment about racial tokenism? No he was probably just implying my ‘tokens’ were my …tits…or something.
But, I spose the joke’s on me. I saw your hard work had paid off when I spotted you later on, majestically head nodding to a Nirvana song you’ve never known the words to in the middle of a crowd of other drunk douchebags, but ultimately, alone.